He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
