she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
