felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
