dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
and you fell through a lawn chair
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
