I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
