Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
