pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
