oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
