I wish my penis had an off switch
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I wish i was in the wii world.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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