Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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