if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
