come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
