there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
