So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
