so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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