perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
