i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
