God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
