I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
