I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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