shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
