Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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