Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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