Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
