You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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