I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
