11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
