when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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