I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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