I could make wine with my vomit
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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