Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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