Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it was like eating out sand paper
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
