Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
