Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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