my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
