How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
