Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
