i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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