Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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