You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You took a bar mat shot.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
