I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
