You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
