do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
