Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
