Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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