A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
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oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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