i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
