best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
