i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
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Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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