my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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