i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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