overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
