Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
