so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm at about main and main street
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
