Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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