I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I smell stomach acid.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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