I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
