Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
