hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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