I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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