i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
