Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
