dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
