pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
