Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
