I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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