i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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